We have come to an understanding that a flight’s arrival time is more like an estimated time. Airports are synonymous with the DMV, antiseptic structures filled with cranky attendants in an endless stream of uncontrollable hiccups. In the bygone era of elegant voyaging passengers dressed for a flight and luggage was sturdy enough to moonlight as a dorm room table. The staff were attentive and polished, leading to the speculation that stewardesses have a degree from an airline school where they learn such things as putting on their origami shaped hats and wielding warm towels from a tong. Now the chasm brought from modern advancements has shifted travel culture. Kiosks cough up tickets or phones become your life device. Travelers drag wheeled luggage with wires sprouting from their ears, foam pillows cuffing their necks.
If your day involves an airport you must mentally prepare for the events ahead. Security is a series of undressing, discarding everything from shaving cream to peanut butter, and performing athletic poses in your closet experience to what it’s like to be scanned. There’s the forced smiles to the inspector as a plea to avoid a potential body search that would have #MeToo fanatics in an uproar. The frugal pack empty water bottles in their allotted one free bag. Others will pay $15 for a wilted iceberg lettuce salad in the terminal. Pulses race when reviewing the flight status screens. On time, delayed or the dreaded canceled.
On a recent trip from Chicago’s O’Hare to Laguardia the two hour flight thrilled me. This was my first mistake. It may not be cross-country but I needed to buckle up—and not in regard to the chunky plane seatbelts. My flight was delayed. I raced to the other gate with a LGA destination to switch but my standby was not granted. I secured another flight, which was delayed considering the storm. (Note to reader, it seems like I am always flying in armageddon-styled weather, which is either a glib indication of ozone health or my draw in travel’s karmic deck.)
Not only am I seated in the last row of misfits who scammed their spot via standby but I am in the middle seat. Luckily I was bookended by two lovely young women who I secretly am in awe of from their adeptness in multiple finger texting. Former au pair girl on the right has a bottle of calm drops and spool of yarn. (Another talent as she knitted forest animal figures by drawing their pictures on an app. Young people). Chicago/NYC commuter on the left closely monitors three pulsing devices. The captain is more jovial than the gate officers I had unpleasant encounters with, which helped in his delivery that we were not granted our takeoff due to direction from New York’s air traffic control. By law he has to return us to the gate. Commuter veteran espouses her feelings on air travel. I am in a frozen scream. Even calm drops girl loses her cool. Luckily I can buy a plastic drink cup filled with granola and yogurt with a suspect sell by date to satisfy my angry stomach.
When we are granted back on the plane I cornered the pilot and use my reporter instincts to ask about the likelihood of arriving home that night, adding that I have a son. (I use my child as a way to soften my tendency to be bristly under duress, hence my son’s picture on my lock screen). The captain is optimistic and we fortunately leave within the hour, which softens the blow of being in the airport ten hours after my intended departure time. Next time I am renting a car.
In Laguardia the saga continues when following the blue arrows to the subterranean world of the Uber lot. My driver is most helpful in locating me though we are stalled in traffic for over 30 minutes. He is less tolerant than me. I am his first passenger of the night. I just emerged from hell. In fact I vow to live a thoughtful life because this is a glimpse of hell. For days after my arrival I have a renewed sense of optimism, like people who survive hardships, becoming less manic about hiccups you cannot control.
10 Ways to Beat Travel Stress:
- Pack what you need so it is enough for carry on. This comes in handy if you want your luggage nearby and have to change flights.
- Wear comfortable clothes without looking like you are ready for a Soul Cycle class. The reality is personnel tend to be more helpful if you made the effort.
- Avoid wearing anything with a perfume-y fragrance. This could be off putting to others and induce travel sickness.
- Conserve battery power. You may not always have access to a reboot station and save the energy for those needed updates from your carrier or other necessary notifications.
- Pack things other than your electronics to pass the time such as games, reading and activity books.
- Eye masks and sleep aids are useful for those who are slumber challenged.
- If you are the recipient of news on a delay, take a minute before you react. Take a walk, browse in that luxury shop you dashed by when trying to make your flight or get a beverage at the cafe of your choice.
- Doodle, write in a journal or postcards/letters to pass time.
- Have healthy snacks and gum on hand to keep you balanced while not having to be dependent on pricey terminal food.
- Stay hydrated.
